Uncertainties
by shadowlight12
Summary: This is an AU story in which...well, i can't tell you everything and spoil it. But the first AU part is evident in the preface. You'll just have to read on and see!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: The only thing that's mine is the idea...I think.

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><p>Preface<p>

EPOV

August of 1918. Almost everyone close to me was sick with the Spanish Influenza and people were dying all over. It was inevitable that I, too, would get it, and so when I did I wasn't surprised at all. My best friend, however, was.

Jacob Black. He was a year younger than me, but none of that mattered. He was taller than me, and by far much darker. He and his father, Billy, had been passing through on their way back to a place called Forks, Washington, when they'd stopped here in Chicago about a year ago. They lived on an Indian reservation called La Push. Jake and I hit it off right away, disregarding the way people looked at us. He with his dark skin, dark eyes, and dark hair, and me with my pale skin, green eyes, and bronze hair. Neither of us had ever really had many friends before, so we kept in touch when he had to return home.

When he got the news that I was ill and possibly dying, he found a way to get here to Chicago. He spent two weeks with me. While in bed, I listened to him tell me stories of his adventures at home, and how taken he was with a girl, Marie, who he'd met here when he first arrived. He would tell me of their conversations, and claimed he was already so in love with her that he intended to propose as soon as he could. I knew the girl well, and I myself had become smitten with her ever since I'd first seen her. She was by far the most beautiful girl in school, as well as the smartest. But I was happy for Jacob, because from what I'd heard she was quite taken with him as well. Besides, Jacob assured me that all this talk of marriage wouldn't be rushed; they'd have a long courtship, and get to know absolutely everything there was to know about one another. But then he would propose for sure. He even said I could be the best man at their wedding.

But we both knew that would never happen. I couldn't even sit up anymore, and both my parents were soon gone. It was the night when I felt the sickness finally bringing me to an end that Jacob became uneasy and excused himself.

Since he's arrived in Chicago, I'd noticed some differences about him. For one, he was much taller than I remembered him being and he had gotten his hair cut short. He looked older than me by years, and was much more intimidating. The one time he had helped a nurse wet my forehead with a wet cloth, his hand had brushed against my head and I felt the overwhelming heat of his skin. I very nearly thought he was catching the sickness as well, but he assured me he was fine. Still, I knew _something_ wasn't quite right.

When he returned he said he had to phone his father and said he would be back later. I let him go, but I knew for a fact that I would not be here for a 'later.' I could no longer feel the strain of the flu, and I felt myself getting weaker and weaker.

At one point, I blacked out, and when I awoke I was on fire. I didn't recognize anything around me except for the face of my physician, Dr. Cullen. I couldn't focus on anything else, as the fire was coursing through my veins at lightening speed, making me cry out. My limbs burned and I begged for death to soon come, once and for all. I thought the pain would lessen the closer I came to death, but it didn't. It just intensified.

I could feel my bones breaking and resetting themselves over and over, causing the pain to become unbearable. On top of that, it felt as if a million tiny needles were being inserted into my skin over and over. More than once I begged for the doctor to kill me rather than let the sickness kill me itself. I couldn't open my eyes even, for if I did then I would surely feel even more pain. Soon—or not, as I could not tell how long I'd been enduring this torturous agony—screaming became impossible. It felt like my jaw had been broken beyond repair, and my throat was intolerably dry. This was not at all how I'd imagined death.

What felt like hours and hours after pain was nothing compared to what I felt like at the end of it all. I was finally dying, I was sure of it. The anguish that ran through me was so great that even though my throat was no longer dry, screaming possible, I couldn't. My fingers dug into whatever was below me and I could feel the surface breaking. It was almost done, and I begged God to just let it all be over now. Then I could be with my mother and father without anymore pain.

But when the pain stopped and I opened my eyes, it wasn't Heaven that I saw, but instead Dr. Cullen. Everything in the unfamiliar room was sharper, and I was sure I was hearing things because somehow I'd just heard a tree branch snap from inside, over the loud noise of the crackling of the fire logs in the corner of the room. I tried to stand and was caught off guard by my speed and the sudden hyper-awareness I now had of my movements.

"What-what happened?" Even my own voice was unfamiliar. Smoother.

"I think you might want to sit back down, Edward. There are some things that I need to explain to you."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

BPOV

My first day of school at Forks High was, to say the least, embarrassing. It didn't matter what class it was, I always seemed to say something stupid when an incompetent teacher invited me—though it wasn't always an option— to stand in front of the class, or I would trip on my way to my seat. I'm not sure if there was any moment throughout the entire day that my cheeks weren't at least slightly pink. In fact, I even skipped lunch that day. I didn't feel like eating and I was sure that the second I walked into the cafeteria the stares that had been following me all day long would continue. All I wanted was some peace and quiet, so my lunch period consisted of sitting in the new-to-me truck that my father, Charlie, had bought me while I listened to the unsettling sounds of the rain hit the glass.

But that got old really soon, so before the hour was up I ended up getting out of my truck and going ahead to my locker to get the books I would need for next period. According to my schedule I had Biology next. I was right next to the building in which it was held, so once I'd gotten everything I needed I decided to see if the teacher would let me in early. Fortunately, he wasn't there and his door was open so I didn't exactly need permission.

I was reading over the class syllabus that the woman I'd spoken to in the office this morning, Ms. Cope, had given me when I heard it. My head snapped up at the sound of a chair moving directly next to me. I was met with by far the most gorgeous boy I'd ever had the pleasure of laying eyes upon.

He was impossibly tall compared to my short 5'4 and he had messy bronze hair. His eyes were a dark honey color and it took everything I had not to blush just looking at him.

"H-hi," I stammered.

He remained still, staring at me with a curios look upon his face. There seemed to be a pain in his eyes, as is if something—someone—was hurting him and as if to say a simple greeting would take to much out of him.

"Um, I'm Bella."

"I have to go." And then as quietly as he had appeared he was gone, leaving all of his books behind. Strange, I thought. No 'Hello, I'm...' Just, 'I have to go.' Maybe he was sick. He did look pretty pale, after all. Much paler than my almost translucent skin. And if I wasn't mistaken his eyes had darkened dramatically before he left.

Not long had passed when other students began filing in the classroom, all stopping at the door to whisper to this friend or that one whenever they saw me. One boy I'd met earlier, Mike, came over to me when he saw me sitting alone and asked where 'Cullen' was.

"Who?" I asked.

"Cullen. Edward, I mean."

"I'm sorry; I still don't know who you mean. I'm new here, remember?"

"Of course you know who I mean. Tall, sick looking, and all-around freak?" When he finally realized I really didn't understand who he meant he sighed patiently and smirked. "He left his books next to you so he had to have been here."

"Oh! I'm sorry; I just didn't know his name. And he didn't look like a freak to me."

"Yeah, well you should see the rest of his family. He has four brothers and sisters, and all of them were adopted my Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. There's Rosalie and Jasper Hale, seniors, who are supposedly Mrs. Cullen's niece and nephew. They're seniors. Then there's Emmett Cullen, also a senior, and Alice Cullen. Alice is in our grade. But all of them are loners; they never talk to anyone but themselves. The strangest part, though, is that they're all together. Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett, I mean." This boy gossiped like a girl.

I frowned at the way he talked about their family. Sure it was a little unconventional, and even in a bigger city like Phoenix were things were more accepted it would be considered strange, but really. What family was actually normal? Besides, it was nice of the doctor and his wife to take all of those children in.

But before I could say anything to Mike the bell rang and class had started. Edward Cullen never came back for his books.


	3. Chapter 3

EPOV

It was impossible. It had been over eighty-five years. There was no way it was the same girl. Especially not since I knew for a fact that she was dead…I had been the one to—

No! That was in the past, and it wasn't my fault. Carlisle had forgiven me for running away, then. And I had forgiven myself almost completely. I wouldn't go there, again. Not after all these years.

But the new student, Isabella, made it impossible to forget anything. She was almost exactly like Marie. Her long, chocolate brown hair and eyes, her full lips and heart-shaped face. And her scent. My God, her scent. It was like the most wonderful thing to have ever crossed my path; a mix of freesias and strawberries. When she had looked up at me in that small classroom, the only thing that kept me from taking her life was her astounding resemblance to Marie.

What bothered me most about this situation was how I hadn't seen this, her, coming. All day I'd chosen to ignore the thoughts of the new girl, deciding instead to focus on something else entirely. After hearing the first vulgar thought about her I'd tuned everyone else out, making it impossible to see images of her. That was mistake number one.

How was I to handle this? I'd thought that part of my life was through, and now it would haunt me every time I came to school to see her. There must be something I could do, to make the situation at least bearable. Because I knew that if I sat next to her everyday until the end of the school year, nothing but awful memories and thoughts long buried would come of it.

Maybe I could convince Esme and Carlisle to pull me out. It wouldn't be hard to make people believe Esme was home schooling me. No one ever came around to see any of us, and sending the mandatory tests in would be no problem. And this way, I wouldn't even have to listen to things I'd already learned about a million times over. Then I remembered my 'siblings' and realized it would be suspicious to only pull me out, and even more conspicuous to pull all five of us out after the school year was already half complete.

I continued to think about my options as I sat hiding out inside of my Volvo. There was always switching out of that class and into another. I'd just have to rearrange my schedule, seeing as Biology was mandatory. It wouldn't be hard to convince the pathetic woman in the from office to let me. One look and I could guarantee she would say yes to anything I asked her. This was one of the few things I enjoyed about being a vampire.

After deciding that I would go to the office after the last bell, I turned the key in the ignition and ejected the CD that was in the player. I replaced the classical music with a band Alice had recently discovered by the name of Within Temptation, and I closed my eyes as I listened. The song currently playing was one called What Have You Done, and I always complained when Alice insisted I listen to it. I insisted that the dramatic sound was overrated, and that they sounded too much like another popular band for my liking.. What I would never tell her, though, was that I actually almost kind of enjoyed the song. It was perfect for brooding, and I could easily relate. What have I done now, I thought to myself, sighing.

For the rest of sixth-hour—and seventh—I let myself get caught up in different types of music as I waited for the bell. It wasn't until the bell actually rang and students came rushing out of the buildings that I realized something very important; in my rush to leave the Biology classroom, I'd left my books.

Normally, I would leave them. I could always get them tomorrow. However, in one of my notebooks was a piece of music I'd been working on earlier that I didn't particularly want to wait until tomorrow to get. It was all in my head, of course, but I didn't feel like writing it all down again, either. Besides, Rosalie would be very upset with if I didn't get them, too; I had borrowed one of her automobile magazines to keep me busy during Biology, because I'd assumed I would have nothing to do.

So I sighed and stepped out of the car, praying that my books were still there and that no one had taken them. Surely they would have known they were mine and simply left them there, right? No one would dare return them to me personally; I was a Cullen, and no one ever associated themselves with a Cullen voluntarily anymore. But when I finally arrived into the classroom, my books were nowhere to be seen. The only person left in the room happened to be Mr. Banner, the Biology teacher himself.

"Mr. Cullen, how nice of you to finally come to class. Two hours late, I might add."

I gave an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, Mr. Banner, I had a personal emergency of sorts. I'm afraid I realized I had some things to take care of before class, so in my hurry to get them done I left my books here. Would you happen to know where they are?"

I can't stand the way he talks like he's older and smarter than me. You'd think he was from the nineteenth century, or something.

Early twentieth, actually, but he didn't need to know that. Besides, it would be a bit strange of I was suddenly correcting his thoughts wouldn't it?

"Ah, yes. The new student, Isabella, volunteered to take them for you. She said that it wouldn't be a problem and that she would be more than happy to track down one of your siblings if she couldn't find you. I was under the impression that she thought your sudden disappearance was her fault."

And we have a winner. Unfortunately, I was the loser in this situation. My books had been taken by my worst nightmare, and I couldn't even sleep! How on earth was I to retrieve my books now?

"Thank you, Mr. Banner." I was out of the door before he could even register that I was gone.

Now that one situation was complicated even more, I saw it fit that I should get the other situation taken care of before it could get out of hand as well. But apparently the world was out to get me, because the second I stepped into the main office to see about adjusting my schedule, her scent hit me.

It was like simultaneously experiencing the worst pain imaginable along with the most intense pleasure you could ever experience. The scent of freesias and strawberries clouded my senses and at first I didn't even think of the girl. All I thought about was how I could get her blood, and soon. My mind was quickly formulating ways to lure her away from the school. It wouldn't take much, either; I'd seen the way she looked at me when we met.

By the time this girl turned around from the desk to see me, the monster within had already decided that her life was now mine.

"Oh!" she exclaimed when she spun around, practically to hit me. The books she had in her arms dropped and she bent down on her knees to get them just as I did. She looked at me through her hair and I smirked.

"Hello, again, I'm Edward Cullen. I've been told that you have my books." Her eyes became unfocused momentarily, and the she blushed. I could have killed her right there if it weren't for the small voice in my head telling me two bodies would cause too much suspicion.

"I take it these are my books?" I asked again when she didn't answer. She nodded and I picked them up as she stood, standing myself right after. "Listen, I was just about to walk home; my siblings have gone and left me here without my car." It's amazing, really, how easily the lies come after a time. Although, this one wasn't that hard. My dear siblings actually had left me stranded at the school once, under the influence of Emmett and his way of finding any excuse to pull a practical joke. Anyway. "I was wondering if, maybe, you could give me a ride." My eyes smoldered and I smirked, a sure way to get her to do whatever I wanted.

It was then that I decided to take a look inside her mind. I wanted to know just what her reaction was to me. Only when I tried, I drew a complete blank. It was like there was a wall blocking me, and no matter how hard I concentrated I couldn't hear her thoughts.

Poor girl; she must be having a heart attack. I know I would if I were standing so close to such perfection.

Those were the only thoughts I could hear, and they belonged to the annoying secretary. Immediately, I took a step away from the girl, regaining my conscience . The monster inside me roared; it had been so close to getting what it wanted. But now it wouldn't, and if I had anything to do with it then it never would. Ashamed, I ducked my head, just in time to hear her response.

"Of course," she murmured. "My truck isn't very–"

"On second thought, forget about it," I managed to choke out. The longer I stayed in this claustrophobic room, the harder it was to preserve her life.

"Edward!" My head whipped around to see Alice, my sister of sorts, barging into the small office. She took one look at the girl in front of me and exhaled a sigh of relief. It was then I knew she'd had a vision, one where she saw me killing the girl.

"Alice," I smiled tersely. "So you and the others didn't leave. What a relief." My head once again bowed, I turned to the human girl with the powerful scent and remarkable likeness to the woman once called Marie. "It looks like I won't be needing your assistance after all." And then I turned to walk out, not even bothering to pay attention to whether or not Alice was behind me.

Thinking of ways to end my horrible excuse for an existence, I made my way to the Volvo where I could hear the bombarding thoughts of my siblings asking why Alice has run off so quickly and where I'd gone off to. Instead of answering, I slumped into the passenger seat, ignoring the collective mental gasps; I hardly ever let anyone but me drive the Volvo. It was my baby. But now, I didn't even move an inch when Alice slid fluidly in and turned the ignition, putting it in reverse as we pulled out of Forks High.

Not five minutes ago, I had been this close to ending an innocent girl's life. I'm a monster, plain and simple. I did not even say good evening to Esme when we pulled in to our house–we moved too much to call it a home–but instead I made my way quickly up to my room and listened for hours upon hours to whatever ever-changing new mix my CD changer decided to play for me.

I was sure that downstairs, Alice had already explained everything. Or all that she could, at least. Carlisle was the only other one who knew about Marie, although I suspected he'd told Esme. They were, after all, husband and wife, mates, as close as two people could get to each other.

I bleed it out, dig it deeper just to throw it away...

I wish.

Everyday for over a year after it happened, I blamed myself. It was the only thing I thought about. And I was sure he blamed me, as well. Carlisle assured me there was nothing I could have done, and in time I came to see he was right. To an extent. But still. Nothing would ever cause me to forget all that had happened. For the past eighty-one years I had only thought about this in passing. I spent a day in my room alone when we first moved back here, just like I had the first time. Now it took over my every thought, especially after coming so close to killing that girl today. I remember it like it happened yesterday, both in memory and feeling...

1921. I was finally beginning to get a handle on my cravings for human blood, and we'd just recently settled into a new town. Somewhere in Northern California, where it wouldn't be so difficult to hide from the sun. I was happy for this, and although still not entirely happy in my tiring existence, content now.

My memory was not completely gone, and I remembered that my one-time best friend lived nearby in Forks, Washington. Carlisle approved a solitary visit, cautioning me, however, to stay in the shadows and keep myself unknown. Jacob thought me as dead, and it must remain that way.

It was not hard to find where he lived. I'd checked first on the Indian Reservation, but left quickly when I smelled something utterly repulsive. The people there had a strange scent to them, and I restrained myself from pinching my nose to keep the smell out. The closer I moved to Forks, however, the humans' scents returned to normal, save one house. It was on the outskirts of town, just between La Push and Forks. It was a small, white house, with a fairly new automobile sitting in the driveway.

Making my way around the house, I edged closer to it, trying to see in a window. What I saw nearly made my dead heart skip a beat. There, standing with his arms around a very pretty girl to be about 19 or so was Jacob Black, my old friend, looking years older than he should. And the girl upon who his arms were wrapped almost indecently so around was none other than Marie Thompson, looking positively glowing with a swollen stomach.

Well.

I took a step back, shocked. I vaguely remembered Jacob's infatuation with Marie, and faintly remembered his plans to propose to her. But I'd had no idea he would actually go through with it. I thought that surely once he returned home from my funeral, he would forget all about her. Clearly, I'd thought wrong; instead, he'd brought her with him.

"Who'd have thought," I whispered to myself, still stunned. I turned back to watch the couple, but I saw that Jacob's back had stiffened and he was glancing out the window. Thankfully, I was hidden well-enough from the shadows for him to see me, but I silently cursed myself for speaking out loud.

Even so, he shouldn't have been able to hear you,

Still, I watched as Jacob kissed his lovely wife on her head, and then slipped out the back door, scanning around the back yard wildly. I'd retreated into the trees, but couldn't tear myself away to run. I wanted to see what some of my old friends were doing. I missed my human life.

"Come out, bloodsucker; I know you're there. I can smell you. Sweet, sickly." Disgusting, creatures.

My entire body hardened at the word he's used. Bloodsucker? He could not know I was here, there was no way. And even if he did, how did he know what I was?

"I heard you. Just save us both the trouble of a fight, tell me what you want, and I just might spare you your life," he growled. Yeah, right. When have I ever spared a vampire its life?

Unsure of what exactly was happening, even as I did it, I disregarded the warning voice inside my head, which sounded a great deal like Carlisle, and stepped out from hiding place in the forests.

Impossible.

It was strange, being able to hear my closest friend's thoughts inside my head. But not at strange as him knowing what I was. He, he's one of them now?

"Ed-Edward?" he asked, clearly uncertain. I nodded. "But you're supposed to be dead. You-you can't be one of them!"

I stepped closer against by better judgment. It was him that smelled awful, almost like a dog. I could feel the heat penetrating from his skin even as far away as I stood. "One of what Jacob?"

"You know what," he hissed. "A cold one, a bloodsucker. A vampire, if you prefer."

I closed my eyes. "How could you possibly know that, Jake? How could you know that's what I am?"

"You mean you don't know?" he asked. "You don't know what I am? You can't smell it on me?"

"I'm not sure what that is." I blocked his thoughts from me, not wanting to intrude. Pain shot through my body; controlling my gift like that took a great amount of concentration, and it was much harder to do when I was so confused.

"Edward, surely you know you shouldn't be here. You're...you're not human anymore. You don't belong here."

"You're not human either," I realized. "No human could know what I am and stand as calmly as you do before me," I insisted. "So tell me, old friend, what is it that I smell on you?"

"Wolf. I'm a werewolf. All those legends my father told us? Turns out they were true."

Carlisle had mentioned this briefly when explaining our history to me. I knew werewolves existed, of course, but...Jacob? No.

"So, we're natural enemies now, I suppose?" I tried to smile, and I opened my eyes to see Jacob's expression. His eyes were pained.

"You don't belong here," he repeated. "You shouldn't be alive."

Silence, immeasurable silence. I was waiting for him to say he had to kill me now, though I knew he never would. Jacob wouldn't, couldn't, do that. We started into each other's eyes for a long while, his dark as night and mine as gold as honey from when I'd gone hunting just hours earlier.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" he asked suddenly. I blinked.

"My eyes? I repeated.

"They aren't red. Shouldn't they be red? You don't look like the other one's I've seen like you," he clarified.

"That's because I'm not like them. I don't feed from humans."

He scoffed. "Sure you don't."

"Really. I'm what my..."I struggled to find the word," maker," I decided, "and I like to call a vegetarian. We only feed on the blood of animals."

"Your maker? The doctor, I'm assuming." I needed not voice my next question. "The day you died, that's why I disappeared. I thought I sensed one of your kind near, so I went to go investigate."

After another long moment of silence, I stepped back. "Well, I guess I should apologize for intruding. I know we are natural enemies, but I hope you do not hate me. I have nothing but hope for you and your wife." As I turned to walk away, I was shocked to be stopped by Jacob's hand on my shoulder.

I turned to see him looking at the ground. "Would you like to meet her?"

Unable to speak, I continued to start at him until he was forced to look back up. "You and I may be natural enemies and all now, but you're still my best friend and I trust you. If you say you don't feed on humans, I trust you." He smiled hesitantly. "Even if you do smell unbearably sweet. Besides, you never got to be best man at the wedding like I promised you. You should at least have the honor of meeting her."

I reminded myself.

And that was how it all started.


	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

"I-I'm not sure if that would be such a good idea," I said. My control around humans so far had been incredibly good, but nonetheless I wasn't willing to take any chances around my best friend's wife and unborn child. Besides, Marie thought I was dead. What would she say if I suddenly walked into her home, looking perfectly healthy, if not a little pale?

"You don't have to stay for long," Jacob assured me. "It's just," he hesitated, "I've missed you, Ed. I haven't had anyone who didn't already know what I was thinking to talk to since you've gone. When we phase, the whole pack knows what I'm thinking and everything I've ever thought. They won't be too happy, I suppose, when they find I've invited a vampire into my home," he smiled.

It was hard to resist giving in. I, too, had been quite lonely since my change. It's not that Carlisle wasn't a good companion, but I'd missed my old life. Sometimes it was hard not to mourn for everything I'd left behind. But, at least I was not dead. And my parents were already gone, so they could not mourn my death.

"Can she come out here?" I asked. "At least, at first. It will be easier in the open, where her scent isn't so enclosed. Besides," I cracked a smile, "I don't know if I could handle such an overload of your repulsing smell on my senses."

"Ha, ha! Good to have you back, Eddy! I'll go get her."

As I concentrated even further on blocking the minds of those around me, I closed my eyes once again. Blocking others became easier and easier every time I attempted it. It was especially easy if there were not many people around. Having two people to block was much easier than having an entire room full.

Her scent hit me the second she stepped outside, followed by Jacob. My eyes snapped open, and I saw Jacob's hands covering her eyes. But I wasn't focused on that because my mind was otherwise occupied with the overload my senses were taking. From outside, I had no idea how amazing Marie smelled. Her blood smelled like freshly picked roses, or some other type of flower. Her scent, however, didn't distract me long, for I found myself looking at her whole form.

To say she was beautiful would be an understatement. Her chocolate brown hair was worn down, falling freely around her shoulders and hanging just below her shoulders. In a yellow, floral sundress, it was easy to see where her stomach was swelling with the life of another, adding the ethereal glow that surrounded her. Seeing her from a window and seeing her full-on were two completely different experiences. Immediately, I was jealous that Jacob got to claim such a beautiful angel.

As Jake removed his hands from her eyes, I watched intently as she took me in. Instead of the surprise I was expecting to see cross her face, she broke into a smile that left me breathless.

"Edward!" she yelled, stepping forth to embrace me in a loose hug. Jacob tensed, and I felt my back stiffen. Never had I been so close to a human, especially one that I found so breathtakingly exquisite. But I was surprised that her blood did not call to me as strongly as others that I hadn't come nearly as close to.

"You remember me?" I asked when she'd released me and stepped back into the arms of her husband.

"Of course! You were the cutest boy in school!" She smiled brightly. "And you were always so nice to me. Jacob's told me so much about how you two used to be so close." Her smile faltered a bit. "I was devastated when Jake came to me after your death. But I supposed it was for the best! After all, your parents were already gone so I thought it would be awful if you were left alone to suffer through their loss."

I was taken aback by her honesty. She knew I'd died? But then how did she think I was standing here before her? Almost as if reading my mind, she said, "I know all about werewolves and vampires, of course. Vampires are much easier to spot than wolves, so I recognized what you were immediately."

"Then why did you hug me?"

"Because, silly!" She looked up to smile at Jacob. "My husband would never have let us meet if he thought you were going to eat me. He would never put us in danger." Her hands came to rest on her abdomen as she said 'us' and her smile brightened even more if physically possible. The entire situation was very confusing, to say the least.

"She's something, isn't she?" Jake asked. I nodded, unaware of anything else to say. When I'd known her, Marie hadn't been quite so bold. It was like she was a different person, but I guess she was now. After all, she was three years older, married, and pregnant. Not all things can stay the same as I can.

We chatted for a while more, and Marie asked about my lifestyle and all I'd done since I was changed. It felt more than uncomfortable to be discussing such matters so casually with her, as if she talked to vampires everyday. The admiration on Jacob's face was clear to see, and I looked away whenever I caught him staring at her, granting him privacy.

My curiosity got the better of me, unfortunately, and I couldn't help but release the block I'd had on the two, if only for a moment. Jake's thoughts were filled with nothing but Marie, and I felt like I was interrupting a private moment between the two of them when he wrapped his arms tighter around her and buried his face in her hair while she chattered on, still talking to me about how she ended up in Forks as a schoolteacher.

"I just love kids!" she enthused. "The way their minds are so innocent, and so open to learning new things." It's what I'll miss most about teaching.

So she wasn't planning to teach anymore? "Won't you continue teaching after you've given birth?" I asked, just to confirm what her thoughts had already told me.

"Oh, of course! I couldn't stand to be alive and not be able to teach." Of course, teaching isn't the same now. The need to leave overcomes the need to teach.

Leave! Where did she plan on going?

"Of course," I mumbled, putting the block back up. I had no more interest in hearing her thoughts. They all seemed to lead somewhere I was determined to stay away from. "Well, I should be going, then. It's twilight, and I'm sure you two are starving. Especially you, Marie, what with having two people to feed." I smiled at her and watched as she smiled back, although the light that had been in her eyes earlier was now gone.

"Oh, please say you'll come back tomorrow!" Marie begged.

Jacob nodded, although hesitantly. "We enjoyed your company. And I've even gotten used to how awful you smell."

I hesitated for a moment. What would Carlisle think of me returning once I told him of my encounter today? It would be nice to come back, and I'd missed having others to talk to. Surely Carlisle would not be upset with me for talking to people who already knew what I was. So I agreed, and then sped off to return home and tell Carlisle all about the day I'd had.

"Edward?" Esme's concerned voice brought me out of my reverie.

"Yes, Esme?"

I just wanted to check on you. Your siblings are worried, and Alice told me something about a girl at spoke in her mind, knowing it was just as good as speaking aloud, and much easier should she want to have a chance at a private conversation.

"She looks like Marie and smells like a goddess, that's all."

Oh, Edward. Marie...?

I nodded, unable to say anything else and knowing at the same time that I didn't need to. Just the name made Esme understand almost everything.

The others are worried about you, dear.

"Tell them I'm sorry for my earlier behavior, will you?"

Of course.

"Still, I'd rather be alone right now, if you don't mind." Esme sighed, and I turned to look at her for the fist time since she'd entered my room. Her eyes were thick with emotion, worry, and I felt a pang of guilt knowing I was what had caused it. Nonetheless, I couldn't help it.

If you wish. I'll tell the others not to bother you. But, please, dear, Carlisle and I are always here if you need to talk. About...anything.

I gave a curt nod, then watched wordlessly as she turned and left. I wanted to be alone with my memories...

The next day I returned, after a long lecture from Carlisle on keeping our secret safe. I listened as he talked, and assured him that nothing would go wrong. Jacob was a friend, and although we were now natural enemies, we had a past that neither of us could forget that allowed us to overlook that.

Rather than sneak around back again, I decided to chance it and knock on the door. Being invited in would definitely be harder that yesterday, but I was confident that I could manage. And not even the thirstiest vampire would ever attack anyone that smelled as terrible as Jacob did.

As soon as I knocked, I heard the soft sound of footsteps, too light to belong to anyone but Marie, and I smiled when she opened the door. "Hello, Edward! I've been expecting you all day, come in."

She moved aside and I stepped inside of the house, comforted by how small and homey it was. Marie led me into the living room and instructed me to sit on the couch. She promised that she would be right back. I let down the block that I'd put up when I walked in and was happy to hear that her thoughts were normal again, busy with thoughts of what she wanted to eat for lunch and a song she'd heard on the radio that she couldn't stop singing. Relaxed, I put the block back up.

When she returned, she carried a tray filled with fruit, toast, and what appeared to be eggs. Forgetting who I was around, I used my vampire speed to grab the tray from her and set it on the table, and all before she could even realize what was happening I was back on the couch.

"Well," she gasped, frozen where she stood.

"I apologize," I bowed my head, "I just wanted to help you." For some strange reason, since I'd seen Marie yesterday there was this strange current that seemed to be pulling me that continued to grow stronger and stronger. There was an overwhelming urge to protect the young women that stood before me, no matter what. It was all very strange, and a feeling that I was unaccustomed to.

"Do not worry, Edward. You just startled me; I will be fine."

She sat down across from me and smiled as she grabbed an apple and bit into it. "Jacob had to go away on business," she said, answering the question that I'd been too preoccupied to ask.

"Business?" My voice was tight, and suddenly I was tense. Being alone with Marie, a human, did not seem safe to me. It was extremely dangerous, and aside from that it was not appropriate to be alone with another man's wife in his own house.

Marie sighed. "Jacob's work sometimes requires that he travel. He's told me what he does numerous times but I never remember because it's do dull! Whenever he is not working, he is busy with pack matters since he's second in command, so it gets lonely sometimes. That's why I asked you to come back yesterday. Jacob had just been telling me before you arrived that he had to go away again. I have to admit I was a little afraid he wouldn't approve of you coming back while he was away, but he trusts you. My, does he trust you!

"You should have heard him talking about you once you left last night, Edward." She smiled brightly at me and placed a grape in her mouth before continuing. "There is no doubt in my mind that you two were almost like brothers at one time. The way he values your friendship struck me as bizarre, at first; he doesn't even talk about his pack brothers the way he talked about you. But then he told me about how you were the only one who talked to him, at first, because of how he looked. That's one of the things I hate here," she frowned. "People think that I shouldn't have married him, just because he's Native American. That is also why we live on the border. The elders down in La Push don't want me living there, and folks in Forks don't want Jacob living there. It's all so incredibly stupid! Why should it matter? We love each other. But..."

The way she trailed off left me waiting for more, but I didn't want to be impolite and pry. Her eyes seemed so sad, too. It hurt to see her in such obvious pain, but I didn't know what to do. And then, as suddenly as it had come, the sadness left and her smile returned.

"Enough of that, though! We can talk about that later. Please, tell me about this Carlisle that you mentioned yesterday while I eat. I've been so lonely without any friends here, and now it seems I've found one. If Jacob can share," she winked.

Just as she asked, I told her about Carlisle and his history, and of how he was now a doctor. She listened intently, rarely stopping me to ask questions. It was nice being able to talk to her, and I found myself loosening up.

Days passed, and Jacob still hadn't returned. Everyday at twilight, I would leave Marie and return early the next morning. Eventually, Marie explained that Jacob probably wouldn't be back for another week or two. She told me how she used to entertain herself while he was gone, and we would play cards and checkers, just enjoying each other's company. The more time we spent together, the closer our bond became.

But unlike the usual bond between male and female, this was something entirely different. I had no romantic feelings for Marie, and on the rare occasion in which I would loosen my block to read her mind, I saw that she had no romantic feelings for me. Instead, it was as if Marie was my younger sister and I had to do everything to make sure that she was happy, or I would not be. Whenever she needed anything, I made it so that she had it. Her pregnancy was progressing lovely, and it seemed like each day she glowed more and more.

While the rest of her glowed, however, her eyes became more dull with each passing day. At first, I assumed that it was just because she missed Jacob, and I swore to myself that I would not intrude upon her thoughts to find out. It would be rude, and I felt that until I told her I could read her thoughts I had no right to do so.

One late afternoon after I'd gone hunting, I continued on to Marie's as usual. Tomorrow, Jacob would be returning. I could not wait to see my old friend, but I wanted to inform Marie that I would not be coming back tomorrow because I wanted her husband to have a nice homecoming. I planned to tell her that I promised to return the next day, though.

When I knocked on the door and no one answered, I was immediately worried. Marie never left the house and I'd made sure just yesterday that she had enough food to nourish herself. No sounds came from inside, and there was an intense feeling that told me something was not right. Carefully, I let my block fall.

Not much longer, and it will all be overMarie's thoughts came to me. The pills should work soon. I'm already getting tired. Please, Dear God, forgive me. Let Jacob know I'm not doing this to hurt him; it's just something I have to do. I can't have this baby.

Without a second thought, I broke the lock on the door and ran inside and up the stairs to where I heard Marie's irregular breathing. She lay sprawled out on a bed, eyes closed and her skin deathly pale. A glass of water sat on the table next to the bed, as well as a bottle of pills. Torturously slow, I could hear her heartbeat continue to slow in pace, and I cried out in pain.

"Marie!" I was at her side instantly, shaking her gently, trying not to break her. "Marie, open your eyes! What have you done!"

Edward? He's here? But he sounds so sad. Why is he so sad? Isn't everything okay now?

"Edward?" her voice sounded tiny and small, not like the woman I'd grown to know who was so sure of herself, so confident. Now, she sounded like a small girl calling out for help.

"I'm here, I'm here. Marie, what have you done? Tell me what you've done," I commanded, trying not to let the desperation in my voice seep out.

The note. I should have written him one as well, but it's too late now. I'm so weak. It's so hard to talk.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered. "And Jacob, too. Tell him that, for me?"

"No!" I cried. "No! You can tell him yourself when he gets here tomorrow." I kneeled at her bedside, my face inches from hers. "Just open your eyes for me, please. Take my hand and open your eyes." Her hand was clammy, and her pulse quickly losing speed. But the grip wasn't as weak as I expected and for that I was thankful. Maybe this could be reversed. Slowly—painfully, excruciatingly slow—she opened her eyes, and for once I finally saw complete peace. It broke my heart.

He's so beautiful. One day, he will make someone as happy as he's made me these past weeks. And he'll forget me, and be loved like he deserves to be loved. Like Jacob loved me. Only this girl will love Edward back like I couldn't love Jake.

"Tell him?" she repeated. "Swear you'll tell him."

Unable to bear it any longer, I nodded. I couldn't deny her anything. And seeing the peace in her eyes, like she was free once and for all, was all it took for me to break down.

"Goodbye, Edward."

Tearless sobs racked my frame, and while I was unable to look at her, I never once let go of her hand. Not even when I felt her hand loosen around mine, and her heart beat stop once and for all. Soon, I could not even hear that small drumming sound—the almost, and now, non-existent heartbeat—that belonged to Jacob's now-dead child.

Not aware of anything but Marie, of the paleness of her skin, of the small smile that remained on her lips; I scooped her up in my arms and held her. I stroked her long hair and continued to sob as the warmth left her body for good. My thoughts filled with images of her running around with a little black-haired girl in a place so beautiful and bright that a monster like me would never be allowed in.

The sun fell, and I remained. It wasn't until I'd regained some form of sanity that I was able to remember the note she'd mentioned, and was able to lay her gently onto her bed once more. On the table with the very substances that had caused her death was an envelope with Jacob's name etched into it perfectly. With trembling hands, I picked it up and opened it, afraid of what I would find.

Dear Jacob,

If you're reading this then you know now what I've done. Please, please forgive me,

Jake. I had to do this, it was the only way. I loved you. I still love you, and will forever,

even in death. But you must know that it just wasn't the right kind of love. I loved you

the way that a sister loves her brother. From the first day I met you, I was comfortable.

I have always felt safe in your presence, and secure in you love. However, I was trapped,

Jacob, with no way out. This life that we had wasn't for me. The child growing inside me

was more yours than mine. It was just another reminder that I didn't love you like I should.

Had I stayed, and given birth, I would have loved the child more than anything in the entire

world. More than you, more than my own life even. But I wouldn't be able to show it the kind

of love that should be between a man and a woman, because I never experienced that kind of love.

I didn't want my child to grow up in a place like that. Because if I'd stayed with you, Jacob,

I know that I wouldn't have been happy. Eventually, I would have left. And taken our child with

us. But I would have no where to go. My family has abandoned me for choosing you, and I don't

regret that because you were my best friend and at one point I really did love you like I should

have. But it has made things so much harder, and would have made things harder for our child,

as well. All that I can say now is sorry. I'm sorry, Jacob. I truly am. Just know I love you, but it

wasn't the right kind anymore. I'm happy now. I'm in a better place. And Edward has made the

last few weeks bearable for me. Know that I haven't been lonely, and that he had no idea what I was

planning. Be there for each other, because Edward cares about you. Natural enemies has nothing

over best friends, especially when you can help each other grow stronger.

All my love,

Your Wife

I read the letter over and over, not comprehending anything. It was impossible. Marie had not killed herself. I was just in a horrible, horrible dream. There was no way I had watched her die, unable to do anything but wish time could turn back. But I knew that it was all true, and that this was her suicide note, confirming everything. Jacob would return tomorrow to find her, and he would read the letter and blame himself, I was sure of it. How could he not? I was blaming myself even as I read the letter.

If I hadn't been so concerned with her privacy, I would have read her thoughts. I could have stopped this from happening. Had I done something sooner, had I been honest with her and open, then Marie would not be dead right now, and neither would her unborn baby.

My thoughts turned to my friend, and I sobbed even more for him. I couldn't let him find her like this. He would blame himself, and it would tear him apart from the inside out until there was nothing left for him. I'd already lost one person important to me; I could not lose two. So I stuffed the letter Marie had written in my pocket and searched around for a new piece of paper and a pen.

Dear Jacob,

Forgive me. She loved you more than anything. Believe what

ever you like, but I truly am sorry. For her sake, stay and continue

on like you know she would have wanted you to.

Edward

Replacing her note in the envelope with mine, I sealed it once more and laid it on the bed next to her body. Then I cleared the glass of water and empty pill bottle, erasing the traces of evidence. What I did next was almost unimaginable. As carefully as I could, making sure her heart really was no longer beating, I raised her wrist to my lips. And bit.

Careful not to drink any of her blood, I created two perfect half-moons on each of her wrists, making it appear as if I had killed her. The ultimate self-sacrifice. I was so overcome with grief that the scent that filled the room had no effect on me whatsoever. Night had come and gone, and Jacob would be here soon. I would make sure to be gone when he arrived, but I just wanted to watch her as long as I could. How could I have missed how sad she was? Why hadn't she told me?

With a kiss upon her head, and a soft peck on her cold lips, I whispered my love to her and then fled home to Carlisle. It was time to leave.

And that was how it ended.


	5. Chapter 5

What Next?

EPOV

That day, when I returned to Carlisle, he didn't question my need to move immediately. In fact, it wasn't until two months later that I finally told him everything that had happened. He returned to La Push, and struck a deal with the werewolves there, and that was the only reason we were here now. Because Carlisle had signed a treaty stating that as long as we stayed out of La Push and didn't kill any humans, we could go wherever we may want to go. I never asked, or tried to pry into his mind, but I assume that he didn't mention my name when signing the treaty.

I wasn't quite sure what happened to Jacob Black; I never went back to check. Hopefully, my plan to save him from himself worked. But that was why it pained me so much to picture almost having killed the new girl.

Isabella. Her name was like music, and I couldn't deny that there was something different about her other than her ability to block me. True, her blood was like the finest wine, or so I imagined. My two brief encounters had left me picturing wildflowers. Aside from her obvious differences, though, there was something...profound about her, it seemed.

No doubt she was beautiful; she resembled Marie almost perfectly. But there were the obvious differences that my mind reminded me of. If you asked, I couldn't be specific, however. I just know. I know in the pit of my stomach that this other girl, Bella, is different from Marie. Unfortunately, I would never get close enough to her again to find out how. If I let myself harm her in any way, I couldn't live with myself.

Besides, we've already established she brings back too many old memories. It would be best for everyone–my family included–if I were to just stay away from her. With that thought clear in my mind, I finally stepped out of my room for the first time in hours. If my plan was to work, I had to inform the rest of my family. And that meant telling them what I thought I'd never have to.

BPOV

That night, I dreamed of Edward and his eyes that changed colors. In the middle of the night, I found myself awake, restless due to the ever present rain here in Forks; I was actually missing Phoenix. While awake, I analyzed the dream I'd had. I had been in the office again with Edward, only this time his sister hadn't come in. I'd been giving him a ride home when suddenly he attacked me. My truck swerved, but Edward didn't move an inch. His teeth were attached to my neck, and I felt myself slowly draining of energy. Blackness overwhelmed my sight and then I woke up.

Since I was young, I'd been told you couldn't die in your dreams. But if I wasn't mistaken, I just had. Edward Cullen had killed me in my own dream. What did that mean? It was obvious the intensity of his cold eyes in the office after his sister had come in had frightened me somewhat, but I hadn't done anything to him. Certainly nothing that would make him want to kill me.

It was just a dream, I told myself. Next time I would make sure not to drink so much caffeine before trying to sleep.

To try and calm myself before attempting sleep again, I sifted through my bag until I found by old battered copy of Wuthering Heights. As I immersed myself in the complexities of the book, however, I found myself even more restless than before. For some reason, the only thing I could think of was Edward Cullen and how I would see him in just a few hours.

A spark flew through my body and I jumped, startled at the sudden surge of emotion. What today would bring was as big a mystery as any.


End file.
